Perhaps one of the most destructive forces hidden under the blanket of ministry is jealousy. I'm struggling with it once again, which I'd thought had under control. It all began with a couple of recent articles about a new trend of the 1.5 generation Korean-American pastors getting love-calls from mega-churches in Korea. As soon as I've heard the news that these fellow, prominent pastors have accepted the invitations to move to the mega-churches in Korea, I began criticizing their lack of commitment and faithfulness to their current ministries.
But then, I soon realized that my intention was not innocent. I knew I was jealous of them and I felt embarrassed. After all, I've been telling everybody that I don't fit in a big church setting. Was that just an excuse or a way of covering up my inabilities? Hidden inside of me, am I still longing for a famous and powerful pastorship? I had to organize my thoughts and sort out my wants. Thankfully, it didn't take me long to conclude and reassure myself that I wouldn't be happy nor productive in a big church setting with a complex administrative system to run, endless meetings to attend, and thousands of names to memorize.
Where I am now is my God-given place and I am content with my position. My ministry is to run after the one sheep drifted away from ninety-nine. And for me to do this job well, I pray the other pastors will do their jobs well in taking care of the ninety-nine sheep. In this way, we can work effectively as a team for the kingdom of God. Well, does this quench my jealousy? Not really. But knowing the fact that God will reward the shepherds of the ninety-nine and the shepherds of the one equally definitely helps.
"And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off." (Matthew 18:13)
Jonathan Y. Lee is the senior pastor of Hana Christian Center, located in Los Angeles, CA.
